Oh, the SUN, glorious sun! We have seen so little of it lately, but it is shining and the sky is clear and I do not feel gravity quite so much today. It’s been a tough month, but I don’t want to get into it. I don’t like whiny blogs, don’t like reading them or writing them, so let’s just concentrate on the sun. It’s beautiful and I love it. I hope it will stay and stay and stay…
The computer is situated beside the sliding glass door, which looks out at the pasture where the kids are playing. I have it open, and crisp air is blowing in. I am listening as the boys construct home made bows, using some old wooden marshmallow sticks as arrows. They have declared the magnolia tree as one base, and the truck shed as the other. Soon, it will be time for war.
Wrenn walks in the pasture in her rubber boots, talking on the phone with a friend, oblivious to the military preparations around her.
I am waiting on the teapot to whistle, “coffeeeeeeee”.
The cat is no where to be seen. Again. She is putting in some long, hard cat hours lately.
This is my day.
These may seem like such insignificant things to share with you. But, the truth is, I am really laboring over this post. Taking deep breaths and giving myself pep talks the whole way through. I don’t know when it got so hard to simply SHARE, but it has. Now, there is always the fact that having (and homeschooling) five children is super busy. I guess that’s excuse enough for not writing or brushing my hair all day long (ha.) But that’s not really why things tapered off on my blog. The truth is, I was scared. Scared to be quite so exposed- scared to tell so much of my story. I would meet people who had read my blog before and they’d be so lovely and friendly, and they would say, “Oh, I feel like I know you so well!” And they did. It was true. They knew me in and out. They knew me, my family, my children, my strengths and weaknesses and secret fears and what I ate for breakfast.
Though it was exactly what I wanted in my writing- for people to know me, when it really happened, I retreated.
I don’t know why.
I still wrote, but it was from a distance. I wrote about the themes and principles that guide my life. I wrote about important stuff, good stuff… and I’m glad I did. But it isn’t enough. I am not content with writing an exegesis of my life. I want to share the actual, real thing.
So, I’m here. Most of the room has cleared out, and it’s just you and me. I don’t mind– it looked like the show was over. I don’t blame them. But you stayed. You knew there was more to come, something after the credits. Maybe you knew something I didn’t, but I’m so glad that when the house lights came on, you were still there.
Bear with me. I’m a little rusty. It might be weird and awkward as I readjust to life with words again.
Coffee’s ready. Happy Thursday, everybody.