Tonight, I began working on a project that required me to go back and read many of my old posts. Like, years of them.
I’m actually a bit overwhelmed at the distance I have covered with this blog. How the landscape of my life has changed over the years! Physically, spiritually, mentally…
Each post took me right back into the moment. I remember being that girl, feeling that way. I remember the sweetness, the confusion, the excitement, the joy, the anger– I remember it all. I followed this trail of words that led me on the highs and lows of the last seven or eight years and I just marveled at the journey it has been.
And I realized something, that I truly didn’t know.
I am really, honestly, different.
Have you ever lost a lot of weight before? There’s a weird thing that happens when you lose weight in a relatively short period of time. Your brain doesn’t catch up to the new size at first. You may be twenty pounds lighter and three or four sizes smaller, but you don’t “see it” when you look in the mirror. Sometimes you can’t even really accept it, until you see a photograph of your skinny sister and then realize that it’s not your sister at all, but YOU! Or you catch a glimpse of someone in the department store mirror who is wearing the same red shirt as you but she’s smaller than you, but wait, it is YOU!
It’s weird. Good weird.
That’s when it clicks, that this new you IS you. Your brain catches up to what your body has known for a while.
Well, I saw myself tonight.
It caught me completely off guard. I didn’t realize I’d changed, but oh, I have.
It feels… nice.
I’m all growed up, y’all.
I used to say, I’d never go back and do my teens again. No way, nuh-uh. I have lately begun to think the same of my twenties. Well, tonight I know for sure, I do NOT want to go back, not to any past. Here I am, in my mid-to-late (gasp!) thirties, and I feel like I’ve finally started to hit my stride. So, I have a few laugh lines. A gray hair or two or twenty. I’m not going to be young forever.
And that’s just fine. I wouldn’t turn back the years, even if I could. Reading those posts, following that trail of words back to a younger me, makes me grateful for just how far I’ve come. I smile sympathetically at the WonderGirl I was seven or eight years ago. I love her, but I don’t wanna be her anymore.
Life is good. I like who I am. I like liking who I am. It frees you up so much to just Enjoy Life.
Today fits me better than yesterday ever did. I think if you can continue to say that through the years, then you will have something quite amazing by the end of it all, hm?
Just a thought before bed.
G’night, all. See you in the new week.