It takes a lot to get me back at the Sift for a good post these days. The stars must align– my mood, my time, my thoughts…
and friends, stars are aligning. I’m here, ready to blog. The younglings are visiting my inlaws for the weekend, except for Mister. He has too many responsibilities and obligations at home to make a trip away. If he’s not here, who will make all the messes? And do all the fussin’? How will that cute quota get met with no one here? Somebody has to hold down the fort when the others go away.
So, here I am, it’s nap time, and the house is silent like it hasn’t been in a decade.
I can hear myself think. And you know what I am thinking?
I am thinking, one day, my house will sound like this all the time. How strange. I will sit down at the table, look out the window, and let out a happy, relieved sigh. Not because of the quiet. Not because the work is over. But because I’ve done it, because I got them all through to the other side. Because the hard days didn’t kill me, the good days counted, and now they will pick up the torch. I will bask in those days, in their days.
Sometimes, I need to say how hard things are. I throw up my hands and say, Look what a mess I’m making! On those days, I see every failure, every shortcoming, and I can’t pretend that having five children is a walk in the park. I feel overwhelmed, guilty, and scared to death.
But underneath that, is always the trust that God’s grace is covering more than I can imagine. He’s GOT this. No matter how I am feeling, I know that He renews and restores. He has knit this family together, and we will stay together because of Him. In times of want and times of plenty, He is there. In times of celebration and times of grief, He is there. In times of labor and times of rest, He is there. Life is changing minute by minute, but He is not. He is a fixture, a constant. He is with me now, and will be on that far-off day in the future, too. He will sit with me at that table in the quiet of my house as I look out the window. And He will bask in the day with me. He will marvel over it with me, how quickly life has been lived, how beautiful and wonderful the harvest.
What a God. A God who shares in your life. Witnessing your successes, your failures. Cheering you on, lifting you up. Every step you take, beside you. Catching you when you stumble, holding your hand when you are afraid, wiping tears when you are sad. A God so intimately a part of your life, caring for it even more than you do. He holds every single, solitary moment of our lives, from that very first baby breath to our last sigh. He knows every single bit of us, because He wants to. Because we matter just that much to Him.
Oh, we do not deserve it, do we? However did we end up so blessed?
This almighty, omnipotent, amazing, mind-boggling GOD OF THE UNIVERSE– hasn’t missed a second of my life. His eyes have never left me, His attention has never waned. Oh, this mortal heart can’t grasp that kind of love…
Humbling thoughts, on a quiet afternoon.
from Psalm 139
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
……My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.