18 days since my world got infinitely cuter and crazier. It’s been about what you expect- very little sleep, lots of laundry, hormonal ups and downs, and of course, slowly (SLOWLY– REALLY SLOWLY) improving nursing issues. I won’t go into that, except to say, I’m ready for the easy part now, please. I’m so tired I can barely think, but we’re getting along. We started back to school today, and though I had to wear the baby in the sling to get through it, we managed. So… life’s pretty good.
I count every single task accomplished as a major success, each nursing session a huge triumph. Every load of laundry washed and each meal prepared, and I pat myself on the back. I am living in the now, and I don’t DARE think of the future.
Not being dramatic, it’s just that the big picture is still overwhelming at this moment. The idea that I have five children to tend to, two of which I am homeschooling… well, I’m just not going there yet. I can deal with what is right in front of me, one task, and one day, at a time. I take my encouragement from the single finished moments, and that seems to work best.
Don’t misunderstand me though– because I am truly, absolutely IN LOVE with Calhoun. He is candy coated sugar that I can’t get enough of. We are all just over the moon about him! He fits here perfectly, he’s tailor made for our family. But I am still in the adjustment period, transitioning into something I don’t quite know yet. It’ll be a while till all the pieces fall back into place, till I am what I need to be. It’s a little unsettling, till you get to that point when you know, okay, I can handle this.
I do know I’ll get there. Experience has taught me that our hearts and hands and soul all expand to fit the need. I am meant to be the mother of five, and God will equip me with the tools I need for that job. Eventually, though it may be chaotic and challenging at times, it will all come together. It’s comforting to know that I’ve been down this road before, and He’s always provided what I needed.
Well, that’s it. That’s all I have tonight, this post tapped out the last of what was left in my brain for the day. Now I’m off for a nice soak, and maybe a glass of wine, and a few quiet minutes to ponder just how blessed I really am. There is a good possibility I will nod off in the tub, but fortunately, Calhoun will demand my presence sometime or another, and somebody will come looking for me before I drown.
It’s good to feel needed.