I need to have some fun.
No question about it, that’s exactly what I need. I need to take a deep breath, I need to relax, I need to enjoy my life.
It’s strange– I don’t think I ever stop being grateful for my life, because truly, I get how blessed I am. But sometimes, I get lost in the work, and I forget to play. And when that happens, I lose perspective, I wonder how in the world I’m going to keep my sanity. I stumble around from the piles of laundry to the endless dishes, to the kid’s toilet that will NOT stay clean, with four different voices following me, asking, asking, asking. Asking silly questions, tough questions, questions I just answered five seconds ago, questions that I can’t even make sense of, all the same questions I heard yesterday. And I think, I’m losing it. Today, I’m losing it.
Feeling that way seems like a failure. Confessing that they all drive me crazy, and dangit, I’m sick of all this work, well, it’s not one my prouder moments. Proverbs 31 Woman it ain’t. I look at other mothers with large families, and I wonder… do they have these moments, too? Are they as perfect as they seem? Am I missing some key element here that makes everything work out seamlessly? What’s the SECRET, and why won’t anybody tell me???
I guess the point of the post for me, is in case anyone (mistakenly) wonders the same about me–
Um… no perfection here. As a matter of fact, there are days when it feels like this whole ship is going down. I have days when I wake up and I am so not excited about getting out of bed. I just lay there and think, well, here we go again. An exact repeat of yesterday. It’s like Groundhog Day. Yippee.
It’s not a pretty attitude.
When I realize it’s gotten to that point, I know I need… well, something. It’s not the kind of thought you want to start the day out with– and something has to change. Attitude adjustment. Reality check. Slap in the face– whatever works.
So, today, I’ll try to get things done. I’ll hold it together, smile, ignore small irritations, find things to be happy about. Count some blessings, do some praying, open the windows and turn on some music. Try to find that elusive Proverbs 31 Woman somewhere, wherever she is. And come Saturday, when the regular week is behind us, we need to go do something fun as a family. We need to enjoy the fruits of our labor, a day of fun. A day to laugh and romp (or waddle, in my case). A day to remember that it’s not all about the work… that there is some play in there, too.
We need fresh air and each other, and that’s about as close to perfect as it gets.