So tonight we had our Christmas service at church, followed up with food and fellowship. This was our last service, and it was grand. Lovely singing, wonderful telling of the nativity story, good food, good friends. It was a perfect night to go out on. A perfect exit.

But, I am quite tenderhearted about it. I fought back tears several times as I made my goodbyes, especially to a few friends I’ve been close to. (But Dolly, you snuck out on me! I didn’t get to hug your neck! Wah.) And, though I will miss the circle of women I’ve come to know so well, it wasn’t that exactly that had me so upset. It is the loss of fellowship, of community, that is the hardest to bear. We’ve always gone to church, but seldom actually been a part of it. Does that make sense? Here, we’ve been absorbed into the body of Christ- we’ve worshipped together, broken bread together… and to leave that is very hard. I didn’t realize how much we’d given ourselves over to these people, to this place. It was an oasis, and I am loathe to leave that spring of fellowship. It’s like cutting ourselves off from a thriving, healthy body of believers, and suddenly being adrift in a void.

I have a lump in my throat just typing that.

I know it won’t stay that way, I know that God goes before us and that He has a place for us in Alexandria. I believe that. But right now, the future is dimly lit, and my heart is sad.

That’s okay for tonight, yes? Tomorrow I will be better, tomorrow I will look forward to changes, to beginnings- but tonight, well tonight is for goodbyes.