Submitted by Katie:

What Not to Wear and Do when you become a Mommy

1. Mom jeans are an obvious no-no. Nothing says “I’ve given up” quite like the roomy cut of apathetic denim. Come on, Mommies. You may have some extra junk in the trunk, but let’s leave the pleats in the 80’s, where they belong.

2. Don’t try to squeeze all your belongings into your prepregnancy purse. It just ain’t gonna happen. Your jeans aren’t the only item that go up a size. Your purse must now become the 8th wonder of the world, able to hold your wallet, brush, keys, a spare diaper, pacifier, kleenex, sippy cup, box of crayons, your mascara, AND a small Chinese acrobat. Don’t ask about the acrobat, just trust me.

3. Don’t throw away the “toddler leash” gag gift that your aunt gave you at your baby shower. You will need it.

4. Don’t put a “Baby on Board” sticker on your minivan. It’s painfully redundant. Do put a bumpersticker about your child being on Honor Roll though, because yes, other people judge you by your child’s accomplishments. (Sorry- it’s true. I’m just saying.)

5. Don’t worry about a manicure, but please, oh please, don’t forgo tweezing/waxing those eyebrows. This is not just about you. I can’t talk right when your eyebrows are wagging at me. I can’t quit looking at them. You could have such lovely arches, if only you’d let me have ten minutes with that unibrow.

6. Don’t swear to never use your t.v. as a babysitter. Unless you like the taste of crow.

7. Don’t give up on style altogether. Okay, so maybe you won’t be Sex in The City. But you can still get your chic on at Target (thank you Isaac Mizrahi.) As a sidenote, spit-up comes right out of most of his fabric blends- the genius!

8. Don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself, but don’t make excuses for dropping the ball either. Just get out there and do it and don’t whine about it, whatever “it” is.

9. Don’t wear swimsuits with skirts attached. They will make your husband cry like his best dog died. Don’t break your man’s heart like that.

10. And lastly, don’t pick your child’s nose in public. Yes, it’s got to be done- you know it and I know it, but we must all agree to hide that shame in the bathroom.

Okay, that’s it for now! Add ’em if you got ’em!

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