Headphones can save your sanity as a stay at home mom. Shoot… as any kind of mom. The Duke and Solon (I really need to come up with his internet name soon!) are down for naps, and Czarina and HeroBoy are munching a snack and watching some toons. So I settle in with the laptop for my fifteen minute getaway, headphones up as loud as my eardrums can tolerate. I’m having my snack, too- a tall glass of ice water and some Breyer’s Swirled Yogurt. The Fray plays a private concert especially for moi, and I feel downright pampered. Sweet! Honestly, the Fray will set me straight when I am having “a moment”. I don’t know how they do it, but I’d be lost without this cd.

Things are going… well, I suppose. Things are just going, really. I’m not going to lie to you. It’s hard sometimes. The biggest obstacle I have been facing is not the sleeping or crying or even prioritizing the needs of four children. It’s breastfeeding. If we could just get that worked out, everything else would be a walk in the park. But when that goes wrong, good grief. The whole world starts crumbling. I won’t go into it, because it’ll only depress me and you both, but let’s leave it at me needing your thoughts and prayers right now. I had the same troubles with the Duke, and it ended up with me weaning him at a month old, which absolutely devestated me. I am determined not to let that happen again. So I’m taking it one feeding at a time. It’s funny- in that not really funny way– that every day begins and ends with the desperate words, “God help me” on my lips. I’m serious. I guess it’s a lesson to take from the whole thing- our days should always begin and end with that litany, no matter what. But right now, it is an especially fervent and literal prayer.

Other than that though, it’s good.

Changing the subject, my brother is getting married Saturday. I haven’t written about him in a long time, for different reasons. He’s had a rocky road, one that we were all dragged along on for many years. It was a painful time, and recovering has been a slow process. But in the last year, the road began to even out, less bumps and bruises. He’s better. It’s still hard sometimes to let the past be the past, I’m just gonna be honest. It’s hard to trust. But, like I said, we’ve come a long way. And a few days from now, he’ll be marrying a sweet girl and beginning a new life, walking a new road. My prayer for him is that this one is smooth and carries them both to good places.

But since he’s not getting married in my living room, this means we’ve got to hit the road. With a two-week old. I sincerely hope I’m not getting in over my head. We’re leaving Saturday morning and coming back Sunday morning, so it’s a quick trip. And I’m keeping it as low key as possible. I am putting Solon in his sling, and he’ll basically stay there the entire time. Hopefully, everyone will understand why – I just can’t expose him to a crowd yet. He’s so teeny! And the world is so germy! I have flashbacks to HeroBoy having RSV and that’s not an experience I care to repeat. Anyway…

I waffle on.

Feels good to sit here and just blah blah blah. There are clothes to fold, dishes to wash, beds to make, bags to pack – plenty I could be doing, but dang. I needed to do some mental housekeeping, too. My head gets crowded, backed up with words and thoughts that need to be swept out on a regular basis.

But my fifteen minutes has long passed, and The Fray is winding down, so I guess I should go. It was nice though. I love our little chats, they do cheer me up! I don’t know what I would do without this place. The white space is always here, waiting for me to fill it up with the excess from my mind. Thank goodness for that.

Well, I’ll see ya at the next intermission of my life.

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