After a long week of school, and many days of King Pen working extra hours… it’s easy to feel a little lost. I had a moment this afternoon, when I was struck with that panicky sensation of anonymity that sometimes accompanies motherhood. Who am I? Where am I in all this? Could a ROBOT do this job? Where have I gone and will I ever come back?
Not the first time that’s hit me. Fortunately, I know better than to waste time analyzing and moping over it. Could have saved myself an awful lot of angst in the early years if I had realized how simple the solution was! Now I know when I begin to get lost in the crowd a bit, it’s time to redefine myself. Not reinvent myself, mind you. That one took a couple years to figure out, too. No, what I’m talking about is when the lines that separate me from all the other things in my life get a little too blurry, I just need to darken them up a bit. Trace over those old familiar things that I used to enjoy. Get some definition to myself again.
So I got my camera, my boots, and headed into the Brimberry.
Okay, it wasn’t that easy.
I got my camera, and realized the battery was dead, so then I had to charge it. Couldn’t leave the Shorties, so I had to find THREE pairs of socks, three pairs of boots, and make sure everybody had gone to the bathroom. Which, at least ONE hadn’t, so off with one set of boots and socks and pants, and get the business done. Finally, camera is (half) charged, I found a snake stick, and we were off.
Anyway, I knew this was what I needed. Just to SEE something. Something green and interesting and not at all requiring anything of me. They aren’t the most fascinating photos I’ve ever taken, but they made the lines around me a little sharper, a little clearer. I am more ME because of them.
Here’s where my boots went a’walkin’ today.