How Are You Feeling?

November 20, 2009 · Filed under Fruitful

Well, folks, 34 weeks pregnant.  8 months.  I made it to the final round!   And round I am, for sure.  I’ve always carried pregnancies pretty lightly (I take no credit for that!), but this one is definitely more prominent.  (Ha, what a gentle wordsmith I am– “prominent”!)  I am big, y’all.  But that’s okay.  There’s an additional human being currently in residence, so I’m cutting myself some slack.  

People ask me quite frequently how I feel, and I always wonder how much of an answer to give.  Because the truth is…. whew!  This is hard!  But at the same time, I do feel much better than I did a month or so ago, when my iron was extremely low.  I started taking Floradix, which is INCREDIBLE.  It made an almost immediate difference.  I couldn’t get over it!  Without it, I don’t think I’d make it through these last weeks, which are so draining.  

So, I’m hanging in there.  It’s just not as easy as it has been in the past.  I have more kids to look after, I’m heavier, older, and have more responsibilities than I used to.  Eek.  I’m not complaining about those things, it’s just that it makes this a different (and more challenging) pregnancy than the others.  I tend to get overwhelmed faster, worn out pretty quickly.  Okay, and there’s a lot more to the crazy pregnant condition that I’m sooo over, but you don’t want to hear about.  I’ll spare you that litany of ailments!  

But, I’m almost there.  I’m ready, Freddy.  I’m in the home stretch.  This baby could come tomorrow, and I’d be thrilled.

However, despite the demands of these days, I will point out something really great about this time.  My husband.  Honestly, he has worked as hard to keep me happy and comfortable as I am working to grow and nurture this baby.  We’re in this together.  I know it’s wearisome to hear the same old moans and groans- but he has shown nothing but compassion and understanding.  He comes home from a long day at work, and he is THERE.  He’s plugged in.  Until the last child is tucked into bed, he doesn’t see his day as done.  I admire that, and appreciate it, and know how blessed I am.  Especially right now, when I am contributing even less in the evenings than I normally would.  He’s picking up the slack, and he does it cheerfully, even when his own day has been long and hard and taxing.

I’m one lucky girl.  And I mean it.  

So, ya know what?  I’m feeling pretty good.  

A month to go, and a baby to hold in my arms.  Christmas, my husband, school break, and my body back to normal again.  Santa couldn’t do it any better than that.

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Work In Progress

November 18, 2009 · Filed under Spiritual Places

“He’s Still Working On Me” used to be one of my little sister’s favorite songs from church.  I can still hear her singing it in my mind, with her cute, mispronounced “r”.  

He’s still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He’s still working on me.

Sweet.  Charming even.  But the reality of being “worked on” (or “wucked on” on Ash would have said) can be entirely UNsweet.  It can be utterly, absolutely, painful.  

Towards the end of Mere Christianity, Lewis writes,

“…we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time.  When a man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected) he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly.  When troubles come along- illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptations- he is disappointed.  These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now?  Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before.  It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us.”

We can’t envision the final product any more than an egg can imagine being a chicken.  We have a picture in our minds of what God will do with us, and it is not anywhere close to His design.  To be changed into that thing, to be made Perfect as He promises He will do, we must go through incredible, supernatural transformation.  Sometimes it hurts like the dickens.  Beams must be cut, nails must go in, heavy bricks stacked one upon another.  There is labor and sweat and blood in this construction.  As Lewis says, we expected a little, decent cottage, but God is building a Palace– one He Himself will live in.  In the end, we will be like Christ.  How much work, indeed, to make ME like the perfect SON.  We’ve got a looooong way to go.  But He is patient, and He is loving, and He is tireless.  He who has begun a good work in me, will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.

It might hurt sometimes… no, it WILL hurt sometimes.  Definitely.  And we  rarely see the purpose of it, do we?  But that’s okay.  We’re in the hands of the master builder, and He is turning us into wondrous, flawless creations.  The God of heaven and creation and the UNIVERSE, is leaned over our construction, fitting this piece with that, building something we can’t even FATHOM yet.  Does that not just blow your mind?  It does mine.

Anyway, just some thoughts for today.  I can’t even scratch the surface of the incredible bits of wisdom and insight in Mere Christianity– I’d end up just posting the entire book.  I cannot recommend it enough.  I am learning so much, seeing so much about myself, and I have to say, it is humbling and revealing in some painful ways.  I had no idea of the true, run-down state of my condition.  How far away from a mansion I am…

But, like Ashley used to sing, He’s still working on me.   What is unfit for a King right now, one day will be.  It will be perfect, built to His specifications, and He will say, “This is my daughter, in whom I am well pleased”.  Because it is He, Himself, who fashioned me.

What a glorious day that will be.

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Brightness

November 12, 2009 · Filed under Child of Mine

golden

My golden child, Solon.  He smells of sunbeams and daydreams.

 

*and introducing my new camera, this little darling.  I call her Izzy.

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The Family Pew

November 9, 2009 · Filed under Link Dump, Quotacious

Passing along another great link from Brandy, here’s a post by Doug Wilson about parents keeping their children with them in the worship service.  Very encouraging, especially after nine consecutive years of wiggles, cries, spills, and shushes.  I’m going to post it in it’s entirety, since it’s not too long.

 

“A Deeper Level of Worship
Topic: Exhortation

Many of you are here as parents of little ones and, in some cases, many little ones. For you, the worship of the Lord is a far more arduous task that it is for the rest of us. All of us are engaged in the work of worshipping the Lord, but you are carrying young ones in your arms as you perform the same labor that we do.

The work includes great things, like keeping everyone in fellowship throughout the whole service, and trivial things, like finding your place in the psalter. The work is daunting, and it is sometimes easy to forget why you are doing it. There are three things for you to keep in mind as you continue

The first is that while you sometimes need to be reminded why you are doing this, God knows exactly why you are doing it. Do not grow weary in doing good. God sees, and your labor in the Lord will bear good fruit. Your labor is before the Lord—He sees, and He rejoices. When you need to be reminded, there is one who can always remind you. You are here with your little ones because God calls you to worship Him together with all the children He has given you.

This means, secondly, that God receives, as true worship, every distracted shush, every spilled cup of wine, every dropped hymnal, and every time you have to take your child out to have a little word with him. You are not taken away from true worship by these things, but farther into true worship than most of are privileged to go. If Christian discipleship consists of “my life for yours,” what is worshiping with four to seven little ones?

Third, do not think of this time as the time of distraction, but rather as a time of fruitful planting, and trust God to be kind. He will bestow a time of fruitful harvest. The sun is hot and the soil is hard—but it will all come back to you, thirty, sixty and a hundred fold.”

 

Lovely words of encouragement.

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C.S. Lewis, Comedian.

November 9, 2009 · Filed under Quotacious

Still reading Mere Christianity.  Although it’s an easy read, I have to go slowly to digest it fully.   I read this paragraph today on Heaven, and I couldn’t help but get tickled.  He’s such a wry fellow.

“There is no need to be worried by facetious people who try to make the Christian hope of ‘Heaven’ ridiculous by saying they do not want ‘to spend eternity playing harps’.  The answer to such people is that if they cannot understand books written for grown-ups, they should not talk about them.  All the scriptural imagery (harps, crowns, gold, etc.) is, of course, a merely symbolical attempt to express the inexpressible.  Musical instruments are mentioned because for many people (not all) music is the thing known in the present life which most strongly suggests ecstasy and infinity.  Crowns are mentioned to suggest the fact that those who are united with God in eternity share His splendour and power and joy.  Gold is mentioned to suggest the timelessness of Heaven (gold does not rust) and the preciousness of it.  People who take these symbols literally might as well think that when Christ told us to be like doves, He meant that we were to lay eggs.”

Thank you folks, I’ll be here all week.

Okay, I added the last line.  Still, he’s a funny guy.  Brilliant, but real enough to crack jokes.  I appreciate that in a theologian.

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Hello, Belly.

November 8, 2009 · Filed under Child of Mine, Fruitful

hellobelly

Dear Fifth Child,

See?  I really was pregnant with you, despite the lack of photographic evidence.  And, I was happy about it, because you see me smiling here.  I am 32 weeks– only 6 more to go until you could be here.

I know you are wondering why there aren’t more photos, more scrapbooks, more momentos of your natal life… I would like to direct your questions to your all consuming older brothers and sister.  They can explain it best.  I am so busy being mom on the outside, but please know that I am happily mom on the inside, too.  I cherish each kick and roll, each moment that is YOU.  I promise you that when you are here, no family will love you or want you more than we do.  If there aren’t as many tangible pieces of these days as we’d like, if your baby book looks a little bare…  just know that your life will be full to the brim with joy and hugs and fun, just like it is for your older brothers and sister.  We are busy, busy, busy, loving each other.

Can’t wait for you to get here.

Love,

Momma

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Stuck on Repeat

November 5, 2009 · Filed under Child of Mine, Spiritual Places

I need to have some fun.

No question about it, that’s exactly what I need.  I need to take a deep breath, I need to relax, I need to enjoy my life.  

It’s strange– I don’t think I ever stop being grateful for my life, because truly, I get how blessed I am.  But sometimes, I get lost in the work, and I forget to play.  And when that happens, I lose perspective, I wonder how in the world I’m going to keep my sanity.  I stumble around from the piles of laundry to the endless dishes, to the kid’s toilet that will NOT stay clean, with four different voices following me, asking, asking, asking.  Asking silly questions, tough questions, questions I just answered five seconds ago, questions that I can’t even make sense of, all the same questions I heard yesterday.  And I think, I’m losing it.  Today, I’m losing it.  

Yikes.

Feeling that way seems like a failure.  Confessing that they all drive me crazy, and dangit, I’m sick of all this work, well, it’s not one my prouder moments.  Proverbs 31 Woman it ain’t.   I look at other mothers with large families, and I wonder… do they have these moments, too?  Are they as perfect as they seem?  Am I missing some key element here that makes everything work out seamlessly?  What’s the SECRET, and why won’t anybody tell me???  

I guess the point of the post for me, is in case anyone (mistakenly) wonders the same about me–

Um… no perfection here.  As a matter of fact, there are days when it feels like this whole ship is going down.  I have days when I wake up and I am so not excited about getting out of bed.  I just lay there and think, well, here we go again.  An exact repeat of yesterday.  It’s like Groundhog Day.  Yippee.

It’s not a pretty attitude.

When I realize it’s gotten to that point, I know I need… well, something.  It’s not the kind of thought you want to start the day out with– and something has to change.  Attitude adjustment.  Reality check.  Slap in the face– whatever works.  

So, today, I’ll try to get things done.  I’ll hold it together, smile, ignore small irritations, find things to be happy about.  Count some blessings, do some praying, open the windows and turn on some music.  Try to find that elusive Proverbs 31 Woman somewhere, wherever she is.  And come Saturday, when the regular week is behind us, we need to go do something fun as a family.  We need to enjoy the fruits of our labor, a day of fun.  A day to laugh and romp (or waddle, in my case).  A day to remember that it’s not all about the work… that there is some play in there, too.  

We need fresh air and each other, and that’s about as close to perfect as it gets.  

 

 

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Two lines.

November 4, 2009 · Filed under The Daily

Hello,  November!  You sidled up awfully quick, didn’t you?

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All Sneezed Out

October 28, 2009 · Filed under The Daily, The Sick Ward

(not my best title choice, I’ll admit.)

Holy moly, what a cold that was.  I didn’t think I was going to pull out of that one!  Coupled with the pregnancy congestion, it was a doozy.  But I feel much better today, I can tell I’ve come ’round the bend.  Just in the nick of time, too, because life wasn’t going to wait much longer.  Things are looking a little scary around here.  Bad things happening in the laundry room.  And don’t even mention the kid’s bathroom.  -shiver-  There are times when even rubber gloves seem inadequate.

So, halfway through the week, and I’ll be running to catch up, but at least I’m back in the game!  We missed a day of school yesterday, so we’ll do our best to make that up today.   Also, King Pen is picking up our pumpkin to carve today, there are costumes to work on, tomorrow I have an OB appointment and I think my mil is coming to watch the kids for me.  I need to go grocery shopping sometime or another, and get us ready for a weekend out of town again.  

Stop, stop!!  No more!  The “To Do” list is not helpful today.  It’s too long!

So, being sick the last day, I have vegged out in front of the tv, watching a thousand home renovation shows.  (I seriously have some sort of addiction to these shows right now)  I saw a preview for ABC ’s new series, “V”.   Am I the only one totally stoked about that?  Whoohoo, reptilian aliens who eat mice!!  This was definitely one of my favorite shows as a kid.  I hope it doesn’t disappoint!  Do you remember seeing “V” spray painted in red around town?  There was one on our elementary school bus stop, and I thought that was so cool.  One of the highschool kids must have done it.

Anyway.  This is much better than my overwhelming To Do list.

I am camera shopping, finally!!  Unfortunately, I’ve taken myself out of the SLR arena.  I just cannot afford one right now, not without a lot of other expenses looming ahead.  It’s kind of a letdown, I’ll admit.  BUT, it’s not that I won’t ever get one, just not right now.  I can live with delay.  Better to be wise with the budget, right?  Maybe in six months or so.  But for now, I’m looking at some higher end point and shoots (better than what I had), and I am just excited to have a camera back in my hands.  I’ve been a month without one and it’s been tough!  

Well, I guess I can’t put off the inevitable any longer.  Must get started.  That list isn’t tackling itself!

By the way, I wanted to thank everybody for the kind comments on my last post, and on Facebook.  You guys are the greatest.  You make the difficult topics easy to share, because I know the love and encouragement that will be waiting on the other end.

Have a great Wednesday!

 

 

 

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Turning Seasons

October 22, 2009 · Filed under Child of Mine, Spiritual Places

October marches forward, as it always does.  As busy as I am, as wonderful as the season is, there is a part of me that has been dreading the latter days of this month.  I’ve been ticking off the weeks, counting down to an anniversary I’ll never forget.  

“So, six weeks, three days today, I think, with a little one growing in my womb. And I’m scared. I am watching my body like a hawk, hoping and praying that this little seed will have strong roots. Every day that goes by with no morning sickness heightens my anxiety… oh how I want you, little one, little bean. I’ll be so sad if you leave.

Stay a while, won’t you? Nine months, till it gets a little cramped, and then we’ll make other plans, mkay?”

I wrote that post last year, just days before an inevitable miscarriage.  I never hit the publish key.  On some level, I knew it was coming, I just knew it.  The day before Halloween last year, I was in an ER, saying goodbye.

Today, my neighbor brought over some old pictures she had developed that were of us trick or treating last year.  I held one of me in my hand and looked straight at my face, looking for the traces of loss that I was certain were visible to everyone.  

 

sc00e1544f_2
I see it.
 
Around me in this photo are King Pen, Batman, a ninja girl, Darth Vader, and little Yoda.  I am smiling, which was my costume.  I put happiness on over my sadness, so that I could (gingerly) walk a few blocks to trick or treat with my children.  I pretended, so that they’d have this happy memory.  I only lasted a few streets, and had to turn back around and go home.  Physically, that was my limit.  Mentally, too.

Fast forward a year.  Again, the pumpkins and costumes and fall excitement.  Spicy orange, cinnamon red, sticky caramel colors all around– happiness falling on our heads like giant, golden leaves.  This year, I am not that girl in the picture, holding the hollow of my stomach in grief.  No, my hand finds a round, jack-o-lantern belly this year.  I am content, thankful in ways that only loss can teach you.

and yet…

I do miss my baby.  

My cup runs over, I am wanting for nothing–

but I wish I had known him longer.

I remember you, little one.  I am so grateful that your life is bound up in the sensations of fall for me.  I will never have an October when I do not think of you.  Harvest for me will always be a time to reflect on ALL the bounty God has blessed me with, from the tallest blades of wheat, to the tiniest seeds that sprouted so briefly.  Know that you are not forgotten, that I carry you with me always.  When the air grows cool, when the leaves crunch beneath our boots, when marshmallows get melty over crackling fires, I am remembering you, celebrating you, loving you.

Always,
Your momma

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While You’re Sleeping In

October 17, 2009 · Filed under The Daily

… I’ll be groggily navigating country roads in my comfiest, most pajama-like clothes.  Because tomorrow, dear friends, is perfect garage sale weather.  And as much as I would like to sleep in, I just can’t resist the urge to follow handmade signs that might, or might not, lead me to a waiting treasure.

Most likely, though, I won’t buy anything but a book or two for fifty cents.  I’ll just be out to enjoy the brisk, quiet morning, the thrill of the hunt, and wearing pants that I possibly slept in the night before.

Wish my ladies could go with me… you know who you are.

Happy weekend, everybody.  ♥

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Wind It Up, Let It Fly

October 15, 2009 · Filed under Quotacious, Spiritual Places

King Pen has been reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis for the last couple of weeks.  I’d never read it before, but couldn’t resist picking it up myself after King Pen’s glowing recommendation.  It’s one of those books that just makes you go… “wow!”

Lewis is a meticulous, fantastic writer.  He goes about setting up a point with a few preparatory sentences, then with an efficient, mind blowing conclusion, drives his point home.  It’s so logical and obvious, and yet, it’s an utter revelation at the same time.  Loving it.  I mean, I knew I would.  His fiction is one thing– it’s great, we know it.  But his nonfiction- I’ve read excerpts and quotes of his over the years and have always thought he was profound and talented, but getting in there for myself has been a pleasure.  Like this passage, just a few chapters in:

“We all want progress.  But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be.  And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer.  If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case then man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.  We have all seen this when doing arithmetic.  When I have started a sum the wrong way, the sooner I admit this and go back and start again, the faster I shall get on.  There is nothing progressive about being pig headed and refusing to admit a mistake.  And I think if you look at the present state of the world, it is pretty plain that humanity has been making some big mistake.  We are on the wrong road.  And if that is so, we must go back.  Going back is the quickest way on.“ 

(emphasis is mine)

So simple, so true.  

I can’t wait to see what other gems are to be found in this book. It is a compilation of radio talks Lewis did in 1943 after the War, when people were disillusioned and confused and torn.  War had blurred the lines of morality and truth, and they were looking for answers. This book is a straightforward, foundational answer to that need.  Seems to me, the world still needs it, which is why Lewis still resonates so strongly today.

Anyway, just thought I’d share that quote.  I’m sure I’ll be unable to resist putting more up as I go along, it’s just too good not to share!

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Spit and Shine.

October 11, 2009 · Filed under The Daily

Something really strange is happening in la casa de WonderGirl.  (blame the Spanish on the taco soup simmering in the crockpot)  Things are starting to look downright tidy.

I’ve been tackling one big job every couple of days- major closet cleaning, stained countertops, sorting/packing outgrown children’s clothes, etc.  King Pen is even in on the action, as he repainted the master bathroom today.  And in a few weekends, we’ll be redoing the bedroom, too.  

Lo and behold, all the effort is starting to show!  Well, blow me down.  I forgot that the outcome would be so obvious, so visual.  It’s like walking briskly with your head down, then suddenly looking up and seeing how far you’ve come!  Whooboy!  I’m loving it!  I’ve still got a few large tasks left, but for the most part, my house is starting to have some semblance of organization again.  It’s such a good feeling!  I’m hoping by the end of the month that everything will be in order enough that all I have to do is maintain it.  (And enjoy it!)

It definitely makes the idea of a baby coming into the mix a lot easier to process.  Plus, I can relax and celebrate the holidays knowing things are somewhat prepared.  It’s such a huge weight off my mind.

Well, I’m too tired to think much more tonight.  I’m off to get comfy in some pjs and settle in for some SNL.

Happy weekened, everybody.

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Handwriting

October 7, 2009 · Filed under Teaching at the Table

Okay guys, let’s take a poll.  Which do you use more when you write- print or cursive?  Many people out there are saying that cursive is a dying form– and some schools/parents aren’t even really teaching it anymore.  Computers, books, magazines, it’s all in type, and most people don’t encounter cursive in their day-to-day communications.  I suppose that shouldn’t be surprising- just look at how much handwriting has evolved in the last hundred years.  It obviously changes as time passes, depending on the tools and trends.

Around here, we start working on cursive in second grade.  Czarina is in 4th grade, and absolutely hates it.  I mean, she just DREADS handwriting lessons.  I remember when I was in school, once we learned cursive, then all our work had to be turned in in that form.  No more print.  I can’t bring myself to make her do that, so we just do the lessons that are included in the curriculum and leave it at that.  I’m at the point where I’m considering looking for another program for cursive all together, because it’s just not one of Abeka’s strong points.  It’s so tedious!  You’ll rarely hear me criticize Abeka, but honestly, they just don’t even TRY to make it interesting.

Anyway.  The point is, it takes her three times as long to write in cursive, and she doesn’t enjoy a minute of it.  So, am I torturing her unnecessarily?  Is it a matter of preference, or should it be mandatory?  And why?  Once you are able to read in cursive, and write it, then should it be left up to the student whether they continue to use it?

Looking ahead to HeroBoy starting next year, let me tell you, I don’t know HOW he’ll be ready.  His printing is so squirrelly right now, I can’t imagine introducing a whole new concept for lettering.  We’ve got a long way to go before he’s ready.

So, my question is… well, what’s the point?  Is there a good argument for holding on to cursive writing?  Please, weigh in!  Should we keep learning it, and should we make it our primary mode for writing?

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